I definitely have Selena Gomez & The Script’s new song “Who says?” playing in the background of my mind at all times lately.  Yes, it’s catchy.  Yes, it’s uplifting.  Yes, it’s a great tempo for working out too.  But as I’ve surely mentioned in my previous posts, I am a self proclaimed “lyrical junkie”.  And if I have neglected to make mention of this fact, shame on me!

Some of my favorite parts:

You made me insecure,
Told me I wasn’t good enough.
But who are you to judge,
When you’re a diamond in the rough.
I’m sure you got somethings,
You’d like to change about yourself.
But when it comes to me,
I wouldn’t wanna be anybody else

I’m no beauty queen,
I’m just beautiful me.

You’ve got every right,
To a beautiful life.
Come on!

Who says,
Who says you’re not perfect,
Who says you’re not worth it,
Who says you’re the only one that’s hurting,
Trust me,
That’s the price of beauty,
Who says you’re not pretty,
Who says your not beautiful,
Who says.

It’s such a funny thing,
How nothings funny when it’s you.
You tell me whatcha mean,
But they keep whiting out the truth.
It’s like a work of art,
That never gets to see the light.
Keep you beneath the stars,
Won’t let you touch the sky.

So, who in my life is saying I’m not worth it?  ME.  I’m saying it every single day in what feels like every feeble attempt to keep things together.  Notice I didn’t say “to move forward” but to just keep it together.  I have been desperately trying to reassess my goals.  Unfortunately, I was in a relationship for an extensive amount of time that taught me that my feelings were wrong when they did not match those of my significant other.  It took me about 3 years of therapy, $10,000 in debt, countless tears, losing weight and lots of heartache to realize that.  I’ve spent so many years manipulating situations by trying to read the minds of others, saying what I thought they wanted to hear and hiding my true feelings.  I’ve been so desperate for love, attention, affection and approval.  And I’m guilty of not being able to follow through on the true wants, true aspirations that I have for myself.  I put those things on the back burner for whatever reason and I really don’t like that about myself.  It’s something I need to work on.  The very level headed part of me that knows that nothing in my life happened overnight, the wishful and almost illogical part of me just wants it to be fixed overnight.  Speaking of “overnight”, it is WAY past my bedtime.  Sweet dreams Internet.  Be good to yourselves!

xoxo,

I hate you. No seriously. You disgust me and get my days off to a terrible start. Remember when we used to be buddies? I used to take your pictures all the time and enjoy the time we spent together. Please budge. And go in the desired direction s’il vous plait

Xoxo,
Laura

Today’s post is actually named after a blog post that I recently read.  I’ve been so obsessed (and it’s not an understatement) with health blogs, fitness articles/books/magazines and counting calories that I haven’t taken the time to figure out what else is going on beneath the surface.  I can’t focus on anything for more than a few minutes at a time.  In fact, I’m only 3 sentences into this post and I’ve already been distracted several times.  My mind races wondering what my future hold from how I’ll pay my next car payment, to possibly going back to school, what went wrong in past relationships, if I will end up alone, if anything or anyone will ever make me happy, make me content.  I used to think that all I wanted was to be married and have my own family.  And I’m not saying that I don’t want those things now, but I was just in love with the IDEA of those things.  I need to have the man in my life that loves me (and of course that I can love in return).  That’s the only thing that really matters to me at this point.  I want to love someone.  It’s the only thing that has the power to make me feel valuable.  I was in an off and on relationship for 8 years.  That’s right, although I am only 27 year old, I was involved with someone for that long.  He was the best friend that I ever had.  He was the strong man in my life that I never had.  He was the light in my life.  He made me beam when I smiled.  He made me feel beautiful.  He made me feel like I was precious and beyond my weight in gold.  He put me on a pedestal.  Now, keep in mind that things between him and I were not always this way.  However, while he showed me a world of love that I couldn’t even have dreamed of on my best night, I was not in the least prepared for this.  I was so incredibly insecure that I made my greatest fears come into fruition.  I destroyed someone who would have died for me.  It’s the saddest thing in the world.  I had no idea what it took to be totally honest with myself and the people around me in order to live my best life.  Time has been a friend and an enemy to this heart of mine.  I can only hope that time heals these wounds.  I know that time has taught me a lot, that’s for sure.  It’s good to draw strength from within.  It’s good to learn and move toward being the best me that I can be.

xoxo,

So I went to the Philadelphia Flyers hockey game yesterday and we were down 1-0 for pretty much 80% of the game.  They showed this video in the last few minutes of the 3rd period.  Not only was it PERFECT timing but it was also absolutely adorable so I had to share.  I mean, who can’t use a little pep talk every once in a while??

And here’s another little goodie, from my trainer’s poster:

It’s not just about moving my body,
It starts with my goals.
And finding balance…
Between the things I like to do and the things I must do.
It’s the right mix of motivation, movement and self satisfaction.
It’s sweat, strength and flexibility.
It’s fun.
And it’s work.
Sometimes it’s about going farther.
And sometimes it’s about going faster.
Sometimes it’s just showing up.
But mostly, it’s about how I feel about myself.
I am what I am.
I want to be better today than I was yesterday.
I want to be prepared for my future.
And I want to move
Because I can.

Ooo, goosebumps!!  I love that SO much.  Now last but not least, one more thing…

No matter what your relationship status is today, I hope you are feeling LOVED!

xoxo,

Hopefully you’ve had a fantastical weekend!!

xoxo,

I know that one of the things that reek the most havoc on anyone (and everyone’s) overall well-being, not to mention someone who is trying to lose some serious weight, is STRESS.  So I’m really trying to get a grip on this. For starters, I’ve eliminated the horrific boy drama in my life.  While I can honestly say that I’m ready to put the effort in for love in my life, what I’ve been accepting in the love department is soooooo far from being ok that it’s not even funny.  My inner control freak was finally satisfied and so I tried to just let go a little.  Or… maybe a lot.  Turns out I wasn’t ready for all that.  It’s not good to lose control, at least not self control anyway.  I worked way too hard for control and balance.  Lucky for me, I can take it back wheneva I want, so that’s exactly what I did!  Oh and I heard some crazy little rumor about how exercise can help reduce stress… maybe I should look into that

Happy Wednesday peeps!  Hope you’re having a fabby day!

xoxo,

Don’t worry I’m not gonna get all ONJ (Olivia Newton John) on you!! *cross my heart* Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but get this silly song stuck in my head after getting so physical (I worked out with my trainer 3 times last week PLUS some cardio) and hearing my body talk, er more like scream (sore muscles, big appetite, little bit o’ dehydration). But it felt sooooo good to just M-O-V-E

I’m still on a beer budget with champagne taste so I’ve been trying to get creative & really research some cardio alternatives. I wish I had a buddy to do all this with.  Luckily I have my girl         Marne and you guys!!

This week I’m going to give my Wii Fit game a chance. I’ve heard what my Mii will yell at me and tell me I’m fat so that has had me refusing to even make eye contact with the Wii balance board but you can’t conquer anything without confronting it, right?!?!

xoxo,

Here’s something new to think about:  “Believe in yourself, trust the process, change forever.” – Bob Harper

It sounds really simple.  It’s 8 little words.  And they are the sweetest words I’ve heard in a long time.  They sound like freedom.  BUTTTTTT… I’m planning for success.  I couldn’t go out to join the gym tonight because we are experiencing some pretty nasty weather in PA today SO, I joined online.  YEEEEEEeeeeee!

Ok.  I’m going to bed.  I may have to dig my car out from under a foot of snow so that I can make it into work tomorrow.  I’m going to need my rest lol.

xoxo,

6 = my pant/dress size

153 = the number on the scale

52500 = the calorie deficit that I need to create in order to reach

my goal weight

27 = the years I’ve spent being overweight

13.1 = the number of miles I will have to run to complete my first

half marathon

2011 = the year that all the numbers above start working with each

other and not against one another!

I’m more than the number on the scale.  I’m more than my dress or pant size.  Aren’t I?  I see everyone around me as more than their weight, more than the size of clothing that they wear but I don’t hold myself to that same standard.  Why is that?  I guess the old cliche of being your own worst critic isn’t just a cliche after all.  I guess for most people all of these numbers wouldn’t really swirl around in their head the way that they do in mind.  Lucky for me, I work in Accounting AND I am a super number oriented person — yea, lucky, LUCKY me…

Now speaking of numbers, I decided to go back to Weight Watchers.  They’re all about numbers.  It’s like a big number game to me, which is like the ideal diet for me.  Tonight was my first night there in YEARS.  They came out with the PointsPlus program and I’m kinda excited to see how it works.  One really big change is that fruits used to have points values and now you can have fresh fruits for 0 points!  Yes yes yes and more yes!  So tonight when I crawl into bed, I’m going to check out my handy dandy little points calculator not to mention all of the new reading material.  I’m kinda nervous but still excited.  I’ll be sure to report back!  Happy Monday peeps

xoxo,

xoxo,